Great question! You’re right that she can’t understand time much beyond this week. But whenever the pending deployment is going to affect her, she should know about it. So if your husband is taking leave, or if you’re doing a family trip before deployment, or if there are any major changes happening in advance, then that’s when you should talk to her about it.

Try to use visuals like a calendar or a countdown chart so she understands when it will be. Or tell her a timeliness, like “right now it is May, when you still go to preschool. When school ends, it’s June. That’s when we go to the pool a lot and visit the grandparents. Then comes the 4th of July with fireworks. After that is when Daddy has to leave for a while on deployment.”

I feel confident in how to carry out the conversation with my kids, but how far in advance would you recommend breaking the news to the 4 year old? I don’t want to blind side her, but I also know she doesn’t have a great concept of time, so I don’t want to stress her or make her dwell on it unnecessarily either by telling her too far in advance. But giving her too short of notice seems cruel although I know she won’t be able to “process it” anyway. Suggestions?

Of course, I’m here for you! I also have a really supportive FB group called Handle Deployment Like a Boss! Join there, because with over 7,000 members, there are lots of friends and always someone who is awake!

Thank you for reading and for your input! You’re right, I typically try to use much more inclusive language for service members. I wrote this one while I was taking care of 4 kids during my husband’s deployment a few years ago, and focused on my own experiences as a mom raising the kids alone. I should update it to be more relatable to some readers.

Hi!
I really enjoyed reading the article and all of the suggestions to prepare for separation and reintegration. However, I would like to suggest using a Mom as a Soldier in some of your writings. This is geared solely toward a fathers separation. There are so many Mothers deploying it would be nice to see that represented here for inclusion and recognition of the sacrifice both men and women make. Thank you

Thanks, I hope it will be helpful. Yes, it’s easy to overlook all that the kids go through.