Comments on: Should People Marry Young in the Military?

By: Bianca Echevarria

Bianca Echevarria — Thu, 29 Jun 2023 17:24:51 +0000

Hi!
My bf and I got engaged a month before he left to be stationed in Japan. He will be there for the next 3 years. Currently he is on deployment. So far I’ve been good at handling the distance and communication change but recently he mentioned to me about wanting to wait to get married as he feels he is not ready and although I understand his reasonings (we dated for about 7 months before getting engaged) I am having a hard time agreeing with his statement. Although we’ve been together almost a year now (I’ve known him for over 10 years), I’m really scared of what can happen within that waiting period especially the thought of never seeing him again afterwards. To add onto it my dad was recently diagnosed with stage 3 prostate cancer and the idea of him not giving me away or being there to see me get married breaks my heart. I told him that if our circumstances were different I would not mind waiting but because we are in the circumstances we are in I am having a hard time agreeing with how he feels. Normally, I would support him in everything he wants to do and thinks etc but this is just one thing I cannot seem to budge on and everyone tells me I should wait but I also feel that no one is really seeing my perspective or understanding my feelings about the situation. Any advice would be greatly welcomed and appreciated as I want to resolve this with him cause I love him so much.

By: Lizann

Lizann — Mon, 13 Jun 2022 17:00:56 +0000

In reply to Kayla.

Hi Kayla,
It’s definitely a difficult decision, I understand that! A nursing career is sometimes a great fit for a military spouse, because it can be portable between different duty stations. But there are also many times when it’s difficult to get work,even with a nursing degree. I ALWAYS recommend focusing on personal development and career certifications before getting married. Having a degree or a career option is always better than not having the option to pursue work. As difficult as it is to wait, professionally it is usually better to ensure you finish your degree or have the ability to complete all your degree certifications before you relocate to join your service member.

By: Kayla

Kayla — Mon, 13 Jun 2022 04:24:34 +0000

Hi!
My boyfriend just got out of BMT and now he’s soon to be in tech. We’ve been in a long relationship for a while and he mentions marriage. Of course I love him and I’ll do anything for him as he would to me. Naturally I say yes because I mean it with all my heart. But I had set out a goal for me. To go through school and nursing programs and such. And he tells me he would like me to move in with him asap and I can transfer schools and what not. But after reading your articles I have many qualities. but I also lack some. I know there will be struggles and we’re both ready and strong to face them hand to hand. I dont know what to think and say when it comes to school and him. I wanna get my degree and get my job but I also wanna be and live with him. I want to make him happy and be the best of the best. I’m willing to put up all the extreme work.
Do you have any advice?

By: Lizann

Lizann — Mon, 12 Oct 2020 11:54:35 +0000

In reply to Kiana.

Hi Kianna,
Of course I can’t tell you what to do, since I don’t know you or your boyfriend. But in general it’s wusecto think about some of the questions from the article. Military life means a lot of time on your own, even when you love with the service member. He will be away for various reasons, and when you marry him and move to his base you will leave behind your family, friends, job, support system. So think about how prepared you are to live alone: will you have trouble finding a job in a new location? Do you have money saved to support yourself? Are you comfortable cooking, cleaning, and paying bills by yourself when there is no other adult around in the house? Are you strong and independent enough to handle new situations where you don’t have friends nearby? Do you rely on your boyfriend for emotional support, or do you know how to take care of yourself on bad days? If you are ready for all that, you may be ready for the challenges of a military marriage.

By: Kiana

Kiana — Mon, 12 Oct 2020 06:26:46 +0000

Hi I need advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years almost 4. Were both 18 right now. He’s in boot camp and we’ve been making everything work so far. We don’t really like the whole long distance even tho we practically were in part of our relationship before . Now that we’re adults we really just want to move on to the next step. We wanna get married at 19 and I can go with him to his first deployment. I do online school and have a job. I’ve had to grow up at a young age and he kinda had to too. Is this a good step to follow or do you think it’s best to keep waiting?

By: Anna

Anna — Mon, 08 Apr 2019 14:24:17 +0000

In reply to Brooke dean.

I am 19 and going through the exact same thing right now with someone who is in the Army… :/

By: Lizann

Lizann — Thu, 24 Jan 2019 22:17:23 +0000

In reply to Madeline.

Hi Madeline,
Thanks for reading, and I’m so glad you found this helpful. Yes, there will be times when military life is not easy. But if you go into it with your eyes open knowing some of the challenges that are ahead of you, then it will be easier for you and your service member to discuss them and work things out. I wish you both great happiness! 🙂

By: Madeline

Madeline — Thu, 24 Jan 2019 15:39:45 +0000

Hi! This was so informative, and very well written. I’ve been doing research upon research upon research. I’m currently working a full-time job and attending community college while my boyfriend attends his schooling for the Marines. We’re both 18 currently and have had a plan since before bootcamp, we’ve spoken about all the things that we need to be prepared for and all the possible outcomes, good and bad. We want to get married when we turn 19 and we believe this is the best decision for us. We know that it will be difficult with finances, housing, distance, and work schedules. At the end of the day we know that we want to grow as a married couple and do anything and everything in our power to make it work. This will be a difficult process but we are making steps everyday to prepare for this life. Although we are young and the military forces people to grow up, we feel we are ready to face anything that comes our way. If you have any tips, that would be amazing! Thank you!

By: Noel Leon Dibrell

Noel Leon Dibrell — Mon, 31 Dec 2018 05:21:12 +0000

In reply to Lizann.

Yeah, with him being away so much is going to be a challenge. Even know I don’t see him that much and it’s hard. It’s just alot.

By: Lizann

Lizann — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 00:40:17 +0000

In reply to Makala.

Hi Makala, glad you found this site, but I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been treated that way. Congratulations on your relationship and your engagement! I’ll be honest– joining the military rarely makes a relationship easier. It may remove you from the drama with his grandparents, but there will certainly be new and additional challenges after he joins, such as moving to a new base, spending lots of time apart during training and deployments, you finding work at each new assignment, etc. If joining the military is something that you both agree on because of the overall benefits, then go ahead and support his dream and do what you can to increase your education and work options. Just know that it is going to challenge you and have difficult times when you need to lean on friends and family for support. But if he is joining the military to get you away from his family, well, that doesn’t always solve relationship problems. Often, after Basic Training, service members have a strong incentive to get married because then you can live with him and he gets a Housing Allowance, and you would be covered by his health insurance. But getting married right away isn’t always the best for you, especially if you are trying to go to college or get established in a career. There’s nothing wrong with dating long distance for a time so that you will both be more stable when you do get married. Make sure getting married is the right thing and the right time for both of you.