The stupid things people say to military spouses

by | Oct 16, 2019 | Memes and Military Humor, New Military Spouse | 8 comments

What is the rudest thing anyone has said to you as a military spouse? Being a military spouse can be a tough position. Not only do you put up with all the military craziness, but sometimes you hear rude or stupid comments from civilians, too. I recently asked my readers what were the worst comments people had made to them about being a military spouse. The results are below. It will leave you wondering– do people actually think before these words come out of their mouth?

Many military spouses will hear some of these thoughtless comments at some point in their military life. But never fear, we have also included some snappy comebacks and responses. Don’t be afraid to speak up and defend your spouse’s military career from people who don’t understand it at all. Just make sure you don’t stoop to their level of name-calling.

what not to say to a military spouse

19 stupid comments military spouses are tired of hearing (and how to respond!)

1. “Stop complaining because you chose this life.”

  • I chose to love, I did not choose this life.
  • So you’re saying I can’t miss my husband because I knew he’d be gone sometimes?

2. “You knew what you were getting into when you signed up.”

  • I didn’t sign up for the military. I “signed up” to love and support my spouse, to marry him and have a family with them.

3. Constant assumptions I cheat on my spouse when they are away: A manager once told me “well it’s good you don’t have kids. It’ll make it easier when you guys get a divorce for when either of you gets caught cheating.” Another reader wrote: When one of my friends and I (a gay guy friend of mine) had lunch “I can’t believe you’re married and on a date with someone else.”

  • Just because you’ve watched Army Wives doesn’t mean we all cheat on our spouses!
  • Every milspouse I know is way too busy working and taking care of children during deployment to have any time for cheating!

4. “You guys must be rich as you don’t have to pay medical bills or mortgage. They give you houses… daycare, insurance… army wives are basically entitled bitches.”

  • Haha, we’re not rich. Our kids actually qualify for poverty-level food benefits. Do you even KNOW how much gear costs!!!???
  • We pay for housing whether we live on or off base. On base they just take the rent directly from the service member’s paycheck.

5. “Moving is easy for you – you have packers.”

6. “Did you marry him for his money?”

  • No. He was a private (E-1) and I made more than he did at my job.

Did you marry him for his money? Stupid things people say to military spouses. Click To Tweet

7. “He must not love you since he is gone a lot. My husband loves our kids too much to ever leave them like that.”

  • Well mine loves ours AND YOURS so much he is willing to go to protect them.

8. “Why are you upset with him leaving for two years unaccompanied? You should be used to him being gone since he leaves for six months on a ship anyway.” Or “You were single before you met him so you can handle this first deployment…”

  • It’s nowhere NEAR the same, just saying.
  • Before I met him I was a high school student living at my parent’s house. Now I’m a mom of 2 kids living across the country. It’s going to be a little more challenging.

9. “Oh your spouse is deployed? I know how you feel because my husband’s travels a lot on business.”

  • Nope, not the same thing. Does your husband get shot at during business trips? Is he only able to call once a month? Didn’t think so.

Deployments are just like business trips... dumb things milspouses are tired of hearing. Click To Tweet

10. “Aren’t you worried he will die?” (asked during deployment, often in front of kids.)

  • Yes, constantly, thanks so much for bringing it up.
  • Sure, but I also know he has trained hard and the unit will do their best to bring everyone home.

11. “So you’re okay being married to someone who kills people?”

  • Well, yes, that’s his job during a war. He hasn’t killed anyone on American soil!
  • Be safe, sleep with a Marine.

12. A stranger in the commissary asked me how many dads my kids are from.

  • Just one, and who the hell are you?

13. “Isn’t it nice to have a break from your spouse for awhile?” (During deployment)

  • No it’s freaking not.

14. “I wish I could be an officer’s wife and sit around eating bonbons and not work.”

  • I know some unemployed officer wives who homeschool, others who own their own business, and others who have a side hustle. I haven’t seen any bonbons though..

15. Branch rivalries: “USAF deployments are a walk on the beach compared to the Army deployments.””The Coast Guard isn’t like the real military!”

  • Save the branch rivalries for pissing contests. All military spouses feel the same pain and challenges during deployments.

16. “I couldn’t do what you do. You had so much potential. Now, you’re just a dependent. (Insert reference to a 1950’s housewife).”

  • We never know what we’re capable of until we face each new challenge. I’m happy with our life.
  • Or… just walk away.

17. Horrible bosses: “Congrats on your engagement, but I know it will affect your job since if he deploys you will join him.” “This business shouldn’t be at the mercy of the Navy due to your family’s emergency leave. You should plan better.”

  • Laugh.
  • Start looking for a new job.

18. When we told people we were military, they stopped smiling, turned their backs to me and walked away.

  • Call after them, “You’re welcome! Have a nice day!”

19. “Being a military spouse is the hardest job in the military.”

  • No, just no. Don’t say this.

What ridiculous things have you heard as a military spouse?

8 Comments

  1. Another seasoned spouse

    We married young. At our first social at our first assignment, 3 months after we married, I was asked why I wasn’t pregnant yet.

    Reply
    • Lizann

      Wow. Sometimes people simply do not think before they speak!

      Reply
  2. MomJonz

    I love when non military spouses try to compare their husband’s week long business trip with a deployment. Drives me insane.

    Reply
    • Lizann

      Right? Because they’re clearly the same thing. Almost.

      Reply
  3. Mandy Tuttle

    I get this a lot “it will be over before you know it!” Or “if you get some other hobbies or work more, it will just fly by and he will be home before you know it”

    Reply
    • Lizann

      Ugh, yes. Deployment goes by soooo fast… for everyone except the spouse who is actually going through it!

      Reply
  4. Tammy

    My husband was deployed and I continued to regularly take our 2 very young children to church. We had been attending, as a family, for about a year before the deployment. One of the Deacons asked me “Why doesn’t your husband attend church?” I replied, “He’s on a military deployment now, and we’re regular members here”. The man continued saying, ” Your husband must not care about your children, since he doesn’t attend church with his family.”

    Reply
    • Lizann

      Ugh, that is so frustrating! So sorry you had to hear that type of judgement.

      Reply

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  1. Military Life Stress ~ The Seasoned Spouse - […] Strangers asking rude questions like, “Aren’t you worried that he might die?” […]

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